Communication is complicated. It is a daunting task to interpret words, voice tone and body language between two people, let alone among a community of long-term care staff, residents and families. Personal influencers such as background, culture and life experiences impact the way in which we perceive an interaction and in turn, the way in which we convey our words and actions. It is difficult, most times, to remain neutral and try to understand another person’s point of view without interpreting what it means through our own filters. This can lead to judgmental tendencies creating bias in our ability to see the true picture of what someone is trying to communicate.
Merriam-Webster’s definition of judge means, "to form an opinion about (something or someone) after careful thought."¹ We frequently evaluate people and their actions without that mindful consideration. Many times we make snap decisions about someone or the content of an interaction based on what we observe or think we observe when in reality the truth is very different.
Take Bud, as an example. He is a resident in your facility. Staff feel frustration when they interact with him, describing Bud as a complainer, a bully and an angry man who yells and sometimes tried to hit them! A savvy staff member decides that she will engage in conversation with Bud and his family to really understand who he is. She gets to know him by asking questions of his family and him to better comprehend the underlying causes of his distress. She listens attentively without filtering this information through her own perspective. She discovers that Bud was a business professional who was well respected in his community prior to his illness. He gave back by contributing his time and money to worthwhile causes. Now, from his point of view, he is relegated to a wheel chair and dependent on others to care for him. She suspects that Bud yells, complains and has bullying behavior because he is embarrassed to have someone else providing his personal care and he has no purpose. Now that she has really heard Bud, she finds ways to give him purpose, a role on resident council, a researcher around a common resident complaint or a key stakeholder in improving customer satisfaction. When he feels worthwhile, fulfilled and satisfied and gains back some control, perhaps he stops yelling or hitting. He may share a smile or a thank you because someone took time to learn about him, to listen to him, on his terms and then, how to engage on mutual terms.
Then there is Beth, your team mate. You ask her to handle a sensitive issue and you receive no feedback. You have a sense that she is easily distractible and gives the impression that she does not follow through because of her quiet demeanor. What you don’t know about Beth is that she works to uncover the best solution to a situation and that takes time. Because she does not respond to your request within the timeframe you expect (but did not communicate), the assumption is made that she is not reliable or capable.
Practice putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. How would you interact if you were them? Tall order, for sure, but truly, a strategy that could change the entire dynamic of an interaction. Then, use these simple approaches to clarify and solidify an exchange.
- Separate the person from the content of the dialogue
- Listen inquisitively
- Look for hints in non-verbal communication (expressions, body language)
- Think about your language
- Ask for clarification
- Acknowledge the other person’s point of view
The next time you have a conversation, particularly with someone who you find difficult to interact with, try it out!
¹ Judge." Def. 1. Merriam-Webster. N.d. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary. Merriam-Webster. Web. 13 Nov. 2016. <http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/judge>.